Death By BACON. No, really …

The End Of A Tasty Run For us Humans

cover photo by Paula Walters
[dropcap letter=”S”]o it seems the world is coming to an end. A favorite – or rather an appetite must-have: BACON – is now deemed to be a carcinogen. Cue dramatic fall the floor and a never-ending: Nooooooooooooooooooo!! (And of course the dramatic cover photo.)

We’re always touting the statement that bacon should be it’s own food group and now, well, the World Health Organization is bringing down the hammer. (Not that we’re that surprised.) That salty strip of heaven that has fed a great many hangovers and given plain burgers some real moxie, is now … off the health menu. (Ok, maybe no doctor ever said bacon is a must have, but still. In our heads, it totally was.)

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So what to do when bacon is your favorite guilty pleasure atop that Waygu Burger? Oh. Wait. I forgot to mention red meat is on the list too. DAMNIT!! Seriously, today truly is a day of mourning. (Unless you’re a California cow … or pig … or any beef or pork livestock for that matter. Then, you’re definitely doing a happy dance and Charlotte is spinning a web somewhere that says, “Take That, You Carnivorous Humans!”) But I digress. Before I get too involved in the sad tale of how bacon went extinct because it causes cancer, or that sausage no longer should pair with mash (not that I am too sad about this one), or how burgers all gathered to revolutionize so they too would survive this vegetarian-inspired coup d’état, I must give you some facts.

  • One study published in the journal BMC Medicine of 448,568 people found that eating processed foods like bacon, sausage, ham and other processed meats increases the risk of dying prematurely. The massive long-term study followed people in 10 European countries for 12.7 years.
  • According to the American Institute for Cancer Research (AICR), at least one-third of all cancers are completely preventable through diet and lifestyle. However, some cancers like those of the mouth, larynx, pharynx and esophagus are 63 percent preventable through diet and lifestyle. 59 percent of endometrial cancers and 50 percent of colorectal cancers are also completely preventable through diet and exercise, indicates the AICR.

  • Frequently, bacon, sausage, luncheon meats and other beef, lamb and pork products are touted as good sources of protein, particularly in many popular weight loss programs. But, these programs miss the big picture: weight loss cannot be at the expense of overall health or contribute to diseases like cancer. (Wait a minute, you mean I’m not going to lose weight on the bacon diet?! What kind of malarkey is this.)

So while we mourn our losses, rethink our weekly menus and restaurant-hopping roster, and reassess the way we look at Wilbur the Pig and Charlotte the Cow, I figured I’d give you some photos of what you can now look forward to:

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Oh come on, it’s not that bad … Okay, admittedly it isn’t awesome. Stupid cancer disguised as delicious meat. 

Gone are the days of filet mignon topped with bacon, smothered in shredded pork shoulder, topped with chicharrones. It was a good run …

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